Something off my chest.......

sometimes I wish that i could just curl up in a ball, go to sleep, and wake up on my grandparents floor. In the middle of a rain storm, playing board games with my grandma and stealing a few extra cookies from my grandpa's cookie jar. I'm missing them dearly right now. I wish they were still around......sometimes I feel cheated. Sometimes I feel like I was shorted something in life because I never knew my other grandpa, or my uncle. I have to look at photo's and imagine what they must have been like to be around. Just to be in their presence....I like to think that their spirit lives on inside those that are still here. That I can gain some semblance of them through those who they left behind. This is too much for me to wrap my head around, but yet, it's something that I must face. I guess it becomes a part of growing up, knowing where you came from, and what makes YOU as a person. I believe that we're all individuals, shaped by influences, but directed by only yourself. I can't help but wonder...what if. Ya know? What if, a bit of those who have passed...what if a part of them becomes you? You're still you, but built spiritually recycled with those who loved you and you didn't have a chance to love them, or even for a short time to be with and around them. A part of your life....maybe I'm just tired, or maybe I'm finally letting some emotion show that's been bottled within for far too long. I'm just going to throw it out there. I miss A LOT of people. I wish I could hold on to every person i love, and never let them go. I originally posted all of this in facebook....but this cannot be my status...this is more than a status...this, I believe, is far more than I've let show at any one time for anyone. This. is. fact. Time to lay down my head and try to shut my brain off...even for a moments rest, before the new day and all of it's antics, distracts me again.....